Tossing batting practice...in much the same way Craig Hansen and Manny
Delcarmen have done in the Minor Leagues this year, ineffectively (and for
that I apologize).

Mapquest says it's only 51 miles from Fenway to Pawtucket, well that might
be the best bit of news those two have heard all week, because after blowing
an eight run lead in the ninth last week they might as well be 5,100 miles
away.

For Hyde Park's Delcarmen (yes much like East Boston's Jermaine Wiggins, his
first name has legally been changed to the section of the city he grew up
in), and Hansen they need only look at Cla Meredith to be reminded that
their career isn't over just because they were rushed to the bigs and put in
a position to fail thus ruining their confidence, it just means they'll end
up reviving their stuff in another city, likely in the vastly inferior
National League.

I was sad to see Devern Hansack's no-hitter get broken up last night.

All these baseball clubs banning alcohol in the clubhouse has me a bit
worried, I hope it doesn't trickle down to the men's softball leagues around
the country, particularly those located in Cambridge, Burlington and
Southie.

After seeing David Ortiz try to score from first base the other night only
to get thrown out, I guess it's official it really does take two triples to
score him from first.

I want to care that Roger is back, but all it does is remind me he's an a**
he's like a bad ex-girlfriend, wooing you and feigning interest only to then
jump back into bed with the guy she left you for, and even if you're better
off without her it sucks. It's not even hurtful at this point, even though I
was starting to teeter in the edge of forgiveness with Roger it's just
friggen annoying.

So now that Josh Beckett has suddenly found his breaking stuff, I sincerely
hope he doesn't go all Ricky Vaughn on us circa Major League 2. You know
where he starts naming his breaking pitches, and refuses to throw his
fastball for fear of hurting his arm.

There's an old political saying that if you're seen with a woman twice
you're banging her, seen with a drink twice you're a drunk, and seen with a
man twice you're gay, well this is now three times for Andy Pettitte and
Clemens, and I'm starting to have more questions, of which I do not want the
answers to.

I feel slighted by Vernon Wells, last week he had the idea to autograph a
baseball for a group of hecklers in Cleveland, it had a long drawn out
message on it that essentially asked what gas station they worked at so he
could heckle them when he wants to fill up his car. Pretty ingenious
actually, anyway flashback to April 2003, and Patriots Day on the Monster
seats which had just open four days earlier. I'm in the centerfield standing
room with someone who reads this site, let's call him "Nat" anyway we're
taunting Wells for about three innings, with all sorts of standard rowdy,
and half drunk because it's the third Monday in April verbal barbs.
Inclduing the classic,
"Hey Wells, got any naked pictures of your wife? "
(long pause)
"Want some?"
Anyway he finally turned around to us during a pitching change and gave it
back to us a little bit, pointing to the scoreboard, (it looked as though
some Sox had started drinking with us at 8am) and making a few gestures
about how much money he had and such, overall it was a fun little back and
forth. But I wish we had given it a little bit more so we might have gotten
an autographed ball as well.

Thanks to Comcast I haven't really seen much in the way of sports since last
Thursday but I did manage to catch the fourth quarter of the suns/spurs game
Sunday. That was basketball played at the highest possible level, even if it
wasn't coached that way in the final minute by Mike D'Antoni.
For the life of me I can't figure out why you would ever be without at least
three timeouts going into the final two minutes of an NBA game, especially
at home.
Stopping a run with a timeout is so overrated, especially with the advent of
the TV timeout, just wait it out the final four minutes try to slow things
down and weather the storm.
Then when you actually need to draw up a play or advance the ball, or stop
time to patch up your bloodied two time league MVP point guard for the most
important possession of the game you can do that.

Tim Duncan's rebounding may be the most underrated aspect of any player's
game in the league. When the Spurs need it most he goes up and gets the
proverbial "man's rebound" every single time.

Hey ABC, more up close shots of Eva Longoria, and fewer up close shots of
Steve Nash, we get it, he's bleeding, he's Canadian, we understand the
hockey metaphor, but Nash is ugly enough as it is without a huge gash on his
nose

I'm glad Mark Cuban is out of my life for a few weeks, don't get me wrong I
enjoy his perspective on the NBA but he was a miserable guy all year, and he
should only be vengeful toward David Stern, and quit making Nellie out to be
the anti-christ.
There aren't too many places a seven foot German can hide in the world, but
here's hoping Dirk finds a peaceful locale of solitude for the next four
months.

So from what I understand the Senators and Sabres have quite the rivalry
going between last year's playoff upset by Buffalo and this year's all our
brawl in February, if I can ever find the channel their playing on I'll
report back. I will offer a free case of beer to the first guy who spears
Daniel Briere though.

If it weren't such a damn slow news week I'd have more to write about, and
Curt Schilling telling the world Barry Bonds cheated wouldn't be the long
national nightmare it has become.